I Could Have Anything Down My Trousers
by MidnightGlows
Summary: In which Kili DOES in fact have something down his trousers - a set of lockpicks. He escapes, but is caught by Tauriel before he gets far. This time she is sure to search his trousers VERY thoroughly before locking him up. Up to filler if this takes place in view/earshot of the other dwarves. *Hobbit Kink Meme*


Chapter One:

I Told You, But You Didn't Believe Me!

Kíli's disappointed that they had gotten caught by elves, but he supposed the situation could be worse as they walk through the winding halls ( if you could call them halls) of Mirkwood. At least they will be fed and sheltered. Yes, they will be left in the dark with nothing to do but use their imaginations to create some wonderful (or not so wonderful) stories or something. The fact was, it could be worse, in Kíli's opinion.

Kili grinned to himself and tried to nudge Fili with his shoulder. The elf guard who walked beside him tightened his grip on his shoulder, but Kili couldn't care less at the moment. He had his eyes set on something else more important than an irritated elf who looked like all of the others. Kili walked a bit closer to his brother and nudged him again with his shoulder until Fili looked over at him with a raised and concerned eyebrow raise.

"Fee," he whispers in Fili's ear with a feral grin on his face. "I like the look of that one. I bet she is fiery!" His voices rises a bit with the excitement of finding an attractive female, even if it is an elf. He nods his head to the lady elf with the long red hair and a determined and fierce look upon her face. Her expression, otherwise, was stoic, not showing any emotion to the dwarves capture. He found her wanted her to be his new challenge. She seemed like she'd be a tough one, in Kili's opinion.

With a goal set in mind, Kili hums to himself in thought, not even minding their imminent fate of being thrown into the dungeons. They walk for a bit longer, much to the others' protests. Yelling and shouting was a waste once the elf king made up his mind and told his subjects his commands, Kili realised. For this reason, he did not join in the protests, but kept his eyes on the fiery redhead who, he bet, had to have a temper to match her hair.

It was clear she was the leader of this band of guards from the way she walked and the fact she walked in front of the group with her head held high, the only female in the company of males. She was clearly an elf not to be messed with if she could uphold her image in this way without the humiliation of being a female by her peers. Kili couldn't wait to mess with her.

They arrived at the dungeons, much to Kili's chargin. He watched as, one by one, each dwarf of the Company was patted down, stripped of their outer, heavy clothes to check for weapons or useful items by his new fiery challenge. This made Kili think about what he had on himself, not that it would matter in the long run.

He has his knives, made by yours truly and Fili (as a gift). He also has his bow and quiver of arrows, and those were sure to be the first to go when it became his time. He has a drawing of his mother, Dis, and his brother, Kili, hidden in his shirt pocket to look at when he needed to be reminded of what he was fighting for. He also has a feathered quill in his pocket, he remembered with faint amusement. The elves would probably try to take that from him, too.

Kili thought frantically about anything else hidden on him that would be useful as the redhead got closer and closer to him, going through his companions faster than he would have thought possible. But there was nothing, Kili thought with some regret. However, he had an inkling sensation that he was forgetting somet-

The lock picking set!

Kili tried not to let his excitement show on his face, or the elves, he knew, would immediately be suspicious of him, and he did not need that happening now that he had this great advantage. He knew none of the elves would actually believe he kept anything so close to, well..._that _area of his trousers, especially a large lock picking set. Kili felt himself growing with anticipation, as he realised he was now the last dwarf to be patted down.

"Amin mahta sina*," the elf's sweet and determined voice sounded in Kili's ears as her head turned to face her elven friends. "Auta*."

Her companions turned to leave with a bow of their heads. Kili knew he shouldn't feel accomplished that she trusted him as much to not kill her. That was probably not the reason she told her guard to go, anyways, but Kili was going to believe what he wished to believe.

The elf smiled at her leaving companions, ignoring the shouts of the Company, before rounding on him. Kili gulped as she flashed him a vicious smile.

"Uhm, hello? Nice weather we're having?" A laugh escapes her lips, a small smile finding a way on her cheeks. Kili internally beamed at the fact he made her laugh and smile.

"Oh? A dwarf that can make pleasant conversation with an elf? Now, this is a first," she replies with a smirk on her lips as she knelt down to his own height, making Kili feel, suddenly, very small. The Company becomes silent as they watch the second youngest member be stripped of his possessions.

_* I will handle this. Go._

Kili smirks at her as he raises his arms to allow her better grippage. "Oh, yes. I could hardly deny a lovely lady like you the displeasure of not having a conversation with me."

"Oh, really?" the elf humms. Kili nods his head when she looks up to see his reaction. A twitch passes his face as she hands his bow and arrows. She looks ready to toss them.

"Be careful with those!" Kili exclaims. "Those were my coming of age gifts! I would be grateful if you set them down nicely so no damage is ensued."

The elf looks surprised but obeys his wish, to Kili's delight. He knew he was growing on her!

The elf continues to pat him down when Kili becomes fidgety.

"What's your name?" Kili asks suddenly, with no warning. The elf looks alarmed for a second before her face falls neutral once again.

"Tauriel," she replies, a tightness to her voice. Kili's eyebrows shoot up. He thought they were getting along well. Apparently not to the elf.

"That's a beautiful name with a beautiful elf to go with it, Tauriel. What does it mean?" Kili asks before he could stop himself. He hurries to, hopefully, rectify the situation, not wanting Tauriel to feel offended. "Wait, let me guess!"

He pauses to think for a second, going over what he had seen her do for the time he has known her. He glances down at her face, still yet it was impassive, though he could see a hint of amusement in her facial features.

"Daughter of the forest!" he shouts suddenly, the answer coming to him in a rush of air. Tauriel's breath hitches, and Kili knows he had gotten it correct.

"How did you know that, dwarf?" Tauriel asks with a superior sneer as she pats down his chest, sides, and back.

"I don't know," Kili answered honestly. "It just kind of… came to me, I guess."

Tauriel glances at him suspiciously with pursed lips, but lets it go. Kili ties to get the conversation moving again after a moment of silence, this time using a different tactic: flattery.

"I imagine you have a lot of elfs after you, Tauriel, with how you look and hold yourself," Kili states, looking down at the top of the elf's head. "After all, you managed to get a dwarf to find you mighty attractive."

Tauriel looks up at him with amused eyes. Kili smirks down at her.

"Oh, no," she mutters. "I don't have many suitors. I believe they are all too scared to do something wrong to the King's personal guard commander."

"Oooo, so you even have a nice, fancy title to go with the looks," Kili still smirks at her, the flirty banter slowly becoming something of a game between the two of them. Tauriel is now patting down his trouser legs, hoping to find a hidden knife or two. Which she would find. He just prayed to Mahal she didn't find the lock picking set located where only his or his lover's hands would go.

"And yet, you seem to have...nothing," her voice drags slowly with a teasing hint to it. Her green eyes flash as they meet his.

"I… am willing to submit for you, my lady. Tie me up, and do your will with me," Kili admits with a flutter of his eyelashes, for the sake of the unspoken game. Tauriel's lips quirk into a smile, and a breathy laugh escapes her.

Tauriel hums for a moment before bringing her mouth to his ear. "I look forward to it, Kili."

With that Tauriel stands up and shoves him into a cell, quickly closing the metal gate and locking it. She turns and starts walking away with a noticeable smug smile on her lips. Kili challenges it with a devious smirk of his own.

"Aren't you going to search me some more? I could have anything down my trousers!" he calls from the metal openings of his cell. He cheers internally when she stops walking.

"Or nothing," she says in a mock serious tone. Kili couldn't find it in himself to feel offended. With that she walked up and out of the room.

Alone with only the other member of the Company for spectators, Kili breaks out in a small victory dance, letting out stage whispers of, "YES!" much to the others' confusion. At their confused expressions, Kili explained in a hushed tone.

"I told her I could have anything down my trousers-and I do! I have a lock picking set!"

The Company starts to cheer quietly in the delight of having an escape option. Now, it was time to plan.


End file.
